A Personal

A good friend of mine recently did a small piece about herself on her blog (you know who you are) and I really liked the idea. I've never actually talked much about myself on this blog because I do not consider myself a particularly absorbing person. Even so, I felt like committing a bit of myself, 24 years old and generally comfortable, to my blog. I thought I'd write up a short personal to give the two people that probably read this sorry excuse for a blog some idea of the kind of guy I am and what I like/dislike in others. Its as honest as I could possibly make it, hypocrit that I am. I must be crazy to be doing this, but here it comes anyway.

I am a male homo sapien, usually pre-disposed to long spells of quiet followed by short bursts of frenetic activity. I think my blog speaks quite well for that fact. I wouldn't consider myself a go-getter or an ambitious person, although I am attracted by people of such dispositions. This has always worked out badly for me though because I end up disappointing said people because of my laid back attitude to life. I am one of those people who actually does spend most Saturday afternoons in bed, only to rise in the evening to watch TV and maybe go out with friends.

I do not believe in religion or the (so called) almighty because I consider both ideas to be too autocratic to be natural. I do however believe in the power of nature as frequently evidenced by large scale disasters and the like. Having said that however, I do not attribute any divine power to nature. I am of the belief that like everything in this world, nature and things in general around us are nothing but complex systems that can be broken down into a simple set of rules. Speaking of rules, I do have a few which I find myself breaking more often than following. I have been known to state a principal loudly, and then blatantly contradict myself in the next instance.

I grew up in a liberal Sikh family. For the uninitiated, Sikhism is one of the many minor religions that have sprung up in India over its long history. It is a reformist religion (primarily an attempt at a reformed version of Hinduism) that has quickly turned archaic like all the other religions of the world. My turban and beard are symbols of my religion. I keep them around, even though I am an atheist, because I wasn't really offered a choice and over the years I've grown used to (and sometimes enjoy) the way I look. I do however fully intend to offer my offspring a choice of religion if they are so inclined.

I was born in Delhi, India and have lived here all my life. I don't think I've ever been away from Delhi for more than five months at a stretch. I do like my city, but I am frequently dismayed by the attitude its citizens and its government show towards it. I believe a city as accepting and accommodating as Delhi deserves a lot more respect from its general populace. Respect that it is denied everyday. I hate people who throw banana peals, plastic bags or cigarette butts out of their car windows and people who pee at street corners. I also blame the government for not putting up enough public conveniences and dustbins where they are needed.

I don't easily make friends because I tend to clam up when I'm in a new environment. This is a bit strange considering the fact that I am a half-decent public speaker. Anyway, when I do make friends, I tend to be loyal to them and hold on to them for as long as they'll care to keep in touch with me. I don't usually call my friends and can't even manage to remember birthdays of most of them. However, I think most of them understand that this is wholly unintended and forgive me for it. My friends have always been my greatest strength and I like surrounding myself with them whenever self-doubt or self-loathing strike me.

My general view on life has always been at a tangent with most people I know. I find personal relationships and being nice to people tedious and extremely draining. For me, having a kind conversation with a stranger is the most emotionally draining experience I can imagine. This is probably the reason people who've just met me come back with the impression that I am a bit aloof. Truth is, I find society and its many norms of behavior a tiresome construct. I believe most of these so called norms and etiquettes are redundant and should be chopped off our daily routines after a public vote. Of course, that doesn't make me very popular with the nice, politically correct lot. But then I never wanted to be nice, I just wanted to be me.

Now, something about the kind of person I'd like to end up with someday. I may be insular and an exclusionary, but I definitely don't want to die alone. I believe that humans initially came together because they needed security and warmth. They found that if they huddled together and fought against the elements together, their chances of survival in their ecosystem were a lot higher. Over the years, we've found other, higher emotions to justify staying together. But I believe that deep down, most human relationships are still about warmth and security, both physical and emotional.

Ideally, I would like the person I end up with to be my exact opposite. Somebody who has set goals in life, although not necessarily set ideas about life. Someone who is their own person and does not need emotional crutches to prop themselves up in life. Because more than anything else, the thing that scares me most about companionship is the thought of becoming somebody's life buoy. I don't think its the kind of responsibility that I want to or even need to shoulder. Mind you, that does not mean that I won't be there in times of need, just that the said times of need must not be indefinite in scope. I know that makes me sound selfish, but neediness and over dependence are the main reasons that most relationships end. I obviously don't want the same thing happening to me.

Of course, my companion would have to be a woman (I'm not gay, contrary to what one of my homophobic friends would have you believe), but other than that, physical attributes don't carry a whole lot of weight for me. I do understand that physical beauty counts, but its very transience makes it uninteresting to me. We all come into our prime and then grow steadily older and uglier. That's all there really is to it. Of course, getting older does not have to mean that a person has to become uninteresting.

So there. That's me and what I want. Do comment, and if you want to answer the personal (unlikely I know), remember that there really isn't a whole lot on offer here. Just me :)